Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Hump Day

It really does feel like a hump day today - so many of the blogs that I read had cryptic sounding things to say. Too much rain, too hot, too humid, bedrooms not looking the best, kids drawing on walls next, can't find time to do all they want to do, husbands not doing the "one" single thing that was asked of them.

Some days I feel so fortunate to be a single person who can do what she wants when she wants. Then are days when I am so down and depressed that I would love to have someone sitting on the other side of the room who could just "be" - they don't have to talk, fix anything, watch anything, give opinions - just be.

I made it to work today with much self talk. I really do not enjoy the headaches I've been having - is it from the anxiety meds or the new anti-depressants? Who knows? Plus I need to sleep - many, many hours in a row. If I'm not tossing and turning then my dog, Henry, is moving from one spot to the next. I swore I'd never let him sleep in my bed - I was going to be a strict owner - I should have thought of that before I brought home a month old puppy before I was done with chemo and it was in the middle of winter. I am the worse dog mom that I know. He's so spoiled!! I would have never let my son get away with the things this dog does. I'm too old to care now I guess................oh well.

I think journaling aka blogging is helping me get back to a sense of who I am, what's been going on and bringing out my creative side once again. When I was battling ovarian cancer I journaled on Caring Bridge and it was wonderful. Everyone could keep up with how you were doing, I didn't have to retell my story over and over again and all of my friends and family loved knowing how I was doing, what I was doing and what I needed just by reading a few paragraphs. But when certain people started using it as an excuse to never be in touch with me on a personal level - well I quit writing. I felt as if I couldn't be myself any longer - I think I love the being anonymous person - not knowing who reads this, not wondering what someone thinks, just writing about what I'm feeling and letting it go at that.

Would I like a 1,000 followers? I don't think so - that's a lot of pressure. But I love that those of you who do write daily do it in such a joyful way. I laugh a lot. I get inspired. I know I am not alone.

Take care.

1 comment:

  1. As for Henry, you don't own a dog -- they own you. :-) Think of the little joys you'd have robbed yourself of if you HAD been a strict dog mom. One of my favorite things in the world is to feel that tiny, but solid body walk up the bed, align with my own (usually back to back), snuggle close and then snuggle just a few inches closer for good measure.