Sunday, August 23, 2009

August 23rd already

What happened to this month? And has summer really even been here? In South Dakota we had hotter days in late May then we have in August when it's usually humid and horrible out. I am loving it. My AC bill should be really low. Yah! I could use the extra money.

Well on the creative side I've been doing well. My living room just needs to get the ottoman recovered - I have everything to complete it, just haven't got it done and then I will spray the wicker chair a chocolate brown and it'll be complete! My dining room needs 3 pictures rehung and new photo's inserted and my bedroom needs to have the stuff rearranged on the dresser and I will then start on the large canvas that I plan to do to hang over my bed. I have everything picked out to go on it but I am trying to really plan it out in my mind before I start laying stuff down - too expensive for just the canvas to screw it up.

As for trying to keep my pains soothed - well that's a whole other matter in and of itself. I've been trying for a little over 4 weeks to get the right meds to regulate the depression that has been knocking me down for the count to no avail. I had a 1:00 therapy appointment on Friday and was crying so hard that I couldn't go back to work. My boss said, I thought therapy was supposed to help? It does - but you go through some rough stuff while it's working. My therapist, Kris, said that she wondered what I thought about asking my psychiatric med manager about seeing whether or not my insurance would pay for inpatient treatment - just to get the meds regulated and the opportunity to work with therapists 24/7 and get the rest I need. I am just exhausted all the time. All of that crap piled on top of worrying about my job security, the confusion that is a minute by minute issue any more and missing work - it's too much for my mind to deal with. The only thing that gives me true pleasure right now is using my creative side - at least I don't feel like a total reject then.

Yesterday was my good friend Patty's husbands 60th birthday - and they had a big shindig. It was really nice to see so many smiling faces. I don't feel as if I contributed much in the way of helping Patty out - but I got a lot out of watching all the young kids run around and play and the older group also partake in volley ball and bean bag games. I just sat and watched and took it all in - then started to really feel nauseated after being in the sun for a little while. After that - I couldn't wait to get home. Just didn't feel right. So off we went (my friend Jerry took me out and back).

I opened the front door and was like, what the hell smells. My poor pooch Henry had been sick while I was gone (which has not ever happened since I got him 1 1/2 years ago). He had stuff come out both ends and was in his kennel just shaking away. Poor guy. I got his kennel cleaned up, him cleaned up, and then the rest of the night was up and down, up and down, and trying to keep him warm, clean, and spot cleaning the carpet, etc. Right now he seems to be doing a wee bit better - at least he has drank twice in the past couple of hours and that has stayed inside so we are making progress.

Today is my beloved Keenie's birthday - she turns 72. She is one of those people that I've adopted in my life and made part of my family. She is one of two women that I wish my mom would sit and talk to and learn from - about what it means to be a mom. I love my mom - but she really just doesn't get it. Or maybe it's me who doesn't get how to be the loving child. Could be. I am a great mom - this I know to be true - but grateful, loving child? Not so much. Spend more time wishing things could be different - but at our ages, I don't thin it will change too much unless my cancer returns. Cause I won't be doing treatment for a 3rd recurrence - not unless then have a cure and can guarantee me it works. I love life - but not enough to suffer like that just to die in the end.

God, this is depressing even me. And that's saying a lot!!lol

by Gail is excellent if you want some really great idea's about things to do with wonderful tutorials. I found her by mistake - but she makes me want to do more and more.

Hope you are having a wonderful weekend. Til next time.

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