Tuesday and starting on the downward spiral......

...I've worked the last 8 days in a row. A new record since I started with this severe depression mode. Yesterday it was like I was on speed - I couldn't get things done fast enough, then I came home after 8 1/2 hours at work and recovered a footstool, spray painted a lamp and recovered the lamp shade. Then I couldn't sleep. So today I'm absolutely exhausted and afraid to lay down for fear of no rest again.

I do feel as if the medicine must be starting to take hold - it's been 5 weeks - but it's still right there at the surface. I can feel it like a ticking bomb..........you know when you can feel all the emotions right there but can't get them out? I think the revved up energy is just a way to shut out the thing I'm supposed to be working on and that is me, myself and I.

We are heading home this weekend to Iowa so that'll be a real test. Haven't been there in over a year I think. 3 days with my family - my brother and his wife and kids - the dog is coming with us, my son is also coming along. He wants to see "his people" as he puts it. At least I won't have to make the 5+ hour drive alone.

Next week I have to be out of town for 2 days for training and the following week I have the neurology appointment and the med management appointment. Of course on 2 separate days and in SF so I can drive 104 miles round trip each time. Why don't doctors assist more with coordinating of times?

I am so tired...........gotta get some sleep. Til next time.

Great weather weekend

Wow - who can believe it's August in SD when it's in the 60's and the sun is shining and no clouds. I would never believe it. I made it to work today to finish up some of the things still sitting on my desk. I will go in tomorrow morning early to get it all finished up and start another month once again.

What is up with men and going to the doctor? My good friend Jerry started feeling sick on Friday. He went to the doctor and saw one of the people I would never let touch me who then prescribed a Z-Pack for him. I talked to him yesterday and I didn't even know it was him - you can just hear the rattle in his chest. Today he couldn't talk without getting short of breath. I kept saying he needed to go to the ER - nope. The 2nd time I called today he was sure he couldn't work tomorrow so I told him I'm calling Dr. H - he said how? I have my ways...........so I called his wife, my friend, and told her what was going on and Dr. H, bless his heart, made a house call to Jerry. Jerry called and thanked me over and over. He just didn't have the energy to even leave the house I think and instead of just saying that he was just plain stubborn. They drive me crazy.

I and 4 other girls went and saw the movie Time Travelers Wife today - it was really a nice movie - the book is better - but still the movie was believable and I love when they can make that happen. The weird thing is that I did not cry. Not even a single tear. My emotions are so backwards any more - I can cry just saying somebody's name or sob for no reason and then I watch something wonderful and moving and I've got nothing. Isn't that just crazy??? I cannot wait until 9-14-09 - neurology here I come.