Days.........

are all smudging together lately. It has been so dreary outside, except for Sunday, that I can hardly stand it any more. Seasonal Affective Disorder anyone? ha!

I just read Farmgirl Paints blog about her days at Brave Girl Camp and all I can say is I cannot wait - I am overwhelmed just by reading her experience that I can hardly imagine that I will be able to experience it myself next spring. I am so excited!!!

I've been suffering from those horrible leg cramps again and it is exhausting. I was up so much last night that I didn't go in to work today. And the cramps were still going on throughout the day. That doesn't normally happen. I am going to stretch really well before bed tonight and see if that helps me at all - I can't take much more.

I went through a rough night the other night with my sister. She is in the process of getting divorced and has done some pretty amazingly stupid and selfish things the past couple of months. So out of the blue she calls and asks to borrow some money - this from me, the person who has no money! $2,000 yet. How do people find the gall to ask for money from somebody they have used and hurt so much? I don't know - I'd say she has a real set of balls. Sorry. It's just how I feel. At first I said I could give her some - but the more I thought about it the more I knew it would never be repaid and this money would be coming from my medial account - because there isn't a lot in my personal savings that could be shared. And I ended up calling her back and telling her no. Am I the most horrible person ever? I keep trying to tell myself that it's okay to put myself first and protect myself - but what if the truth is that I'm just a defiant sister who doesn't want to help her sister who has been such a witch to me after we worked so hard to put our relationship back together. Do I OWE her something? I want to call and see what she did and how she worked it out - and yet, part of me doesn't care.

Enough of that - yesterday was my cognitive testing at the neuropsychiatrist's. Quite interesting. I did more repeating, math problems, trying to put diagrams together with blocks (which I could NOT do no matter how I tried), etc - it was just so interesting. I left knowing there weren't any glaring deficiencies (my memory loss, confusion, blurry vision issues are why I was there)but she had to score the tests and norm them against other people my age. I feel as if I have Alzheimers some days and I'm tired of people telling me it's because I'm 45.

Well it's been days since I've been on my computer so I'm going to catch up on the blogs I follow and head to bed early. Pray for sun tomorrow!!! And thanks for listening.

Til next time.
Kris

TGIF

I'd say TGIF today if I had gone to work - instead I was in bed most of the day with a raging sinus headache and low grade fever. Oh course - nothing in the house related to sinus decongestants seemed to exist! God I hate that. Anyway, a friend brought me some stuff and it did seem to help - but I waited 5 hours between doses and the headache is slowly coming back. Will do the 4 next time.

I do believe the sun just peaked out after a couple of days of nonstop rain and dreariness. The football fans will be most thankful - but am sure it'll be a muddy night out there on the field.

Henry has been barking at everything that moves lately and with my head pounding I want to put a muzzle on him. He is so darn loud for someone so small.

I've been perusing the decorating blogs today - do you ever feel guilty when you sign up for a chance to win something and it's not your favorite thing? I do. I still sign up - a chance to win, is a chance to win - but I have my absolute favorites I go to first then search out the others after I read those. There are so many amazing women out there who do things themselves, craft new items beyond belief, redo their own homes, saw everything in site, paint like there is no end to the day, etc. I LOVE IT ALL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! If my worst trait was not that of being a procrastinator I'd be doing it all also. Maybe that should be my new goal to work on - quit PROCRASTINATING!!! It's a waste of time - literally.

Hope this finds you well in your part of the world.

Til next time.
Kris

Made my day

I have one follower - woo hoo. NV from This D*amn House wrote me a note - and honestly it made my day. I realize my blog is not very upbeat right now - but it will be when my medicine starts to really kick in and work.

I used to have a little side "business" that was called Soothing Panes - I painted on old windows and sold them. I drew with permanent marker on one side and painted on the back of the window so they had a 3-D effect. All I wanted was a little validation that I had some kind of talent - did one craft show and sold out and that was good enough for me. I had grown up always doing some kind of art project - and took private art lessons when in 9th grade. I wanted to go to design school but my dad put his foot down on that one - you can't make money doing that. So I followed orders, H.A.T.E.D. it, ended up being a nanny on the East coast which I adored, and somehow ended up back in the Midwest, a single mom with a lovely son who is now grown and out of the house. I do love all things decorating though - so while I am feeling so down and out I read the blogs and find myself feeling as if Calgon took me away - which is weird cause I hate to take baths. I'm a shower girl.

Well I started the new meds yesterday - they placed me on Abilify ($487 dollars if you don't have insurance!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) - that is just uncalled for. These small blue pills better be the antedote I need - but they take a few weeks to kick in. What do you do in the mean time? I'm take 2 other drugs + going to therapy and I still feel at the lowest I've ever been. If I could sleep for 12 hours straight with no interruptions, make it to work, finish some projects around my own house, feel like "playing" with my friends instead of wanting to be holed up alone - that would bring me much joy.

Wednesday is a new day and I am going to make it to work - that is my goal. Thanks to all the bloggers that put there heart and souls out there, make me laugh, teach me things, support one another the way women should, and seem to really enjoy what they do. What did we use to do before the internet? lol

Kris

What can possibly happen next?

I am a huge fan of the decorating blogs and find myself going there to "get away" from things. I just read the funniest site called thisdmnhouse - whomever writes it is a hoot!

Well I woke up yesterday and could hardly move my body hurt so much. This was the 3rd day of this type of body ache but they seemed to be getting worse. So at 6:30 on Friday morning I am reading the inserts to the new drugs they've put me on and what does it say? "If muscle and joint pain persists call the doctor immediately". Of course it says that. I just paid $40 for the co-pay and took 9 pills out of the 60 they gave me. I called and left messages before 7 and they finally called me back about 11. Stop taking the drug. Really? Give the weekend to let it get out of my system totally and then start Abilify on Monday. Oh, and I can take as much Klonopin this weekend as I need for anxiety - is that an incentive? I talked to my friend Nancy in CA who is also an OVCA survivor and she takes this Abilify - she said she can't take the whole dose - it's like being on speed. Since I've never had that experience before I don't know what to expect - my poor co-workers.

So today my body doesn't hurt quite as bad as it did, but I'm so tired yet. Have my own decorating projects I'd like to get done and can't find the energy really. That and somehow pink snap-on screwdriver has disappeared and my son won't pick up his phone so I can if he used it during his move. I need it to take down some curtain rods.

The weather is gorgeous today and for that I am so thankful - who would think on August 1st you could have all of the windows open, the sun out and a breeze blowing through your house? Love it.