...I've worked the last 8 days in a row. A new record since I started with this severe depression mode. Yesterday it was like I was on speed - I couldn't get things done fast enough, then I came home after 8 1/2 hours at work and recovered a footstool, spray painted a lamp and recovered the lamp shade. Then I couldn't sleep. So today I'm absolutely exhausted and afraid to lay down for fear of no rest again.
I do feel as if the medicine must be starting to take hold - it's been 5 weeks - but it's still right there at the surface. I can feel it like a ticking bomb..........you know when you can feel all the emotions right there but can't get them out? I think the revved up energy is just a way to shut out the thing I'm supposed to be working on and that is me, myself and I.
We are heading home this weekend to Iowa so that'll be a real test. Haven't been there in over a year I think. 3 days with my family - my brother and his wife and kids - the dog is coming with us, my son is also coming along. He wants to see "his people" as he puts it. At least I won't have to make the 5+ hour drive alone.
Next week I have to be out of town for 2 days for training and the following week I have the neurology appointment and the med management appointment. Of course on 2 separate days and in SF so I can drive 104 miles round trip each time. Why don't doctors assist more with coordinating of times?
I am so tired...........gotta get some sleep. Til next time.
6 days ago