Friday, July 10, 2009


I am so thankful it is Friday - but since I only worked 3 days this week I'm not as exhausted as normal. I do, however, need to go in and make up 8 hours of time this weekend as I am so behind on reports. Will do 4 hours each day as it will only add to my stress when I start thinking "it's the weekend" and now I have to work.

I had dinner with my best friend tonight and we were talking about why you cannot receive in-patient treatment when you are dealing with a true clinical depression that is severe yet if I had a drinking or drug problem I'd be let me as soon as a bed opened. Apparently treatment is only needed if I were suicidal. Maybe if I found out tomorrow that my cancer had returned I'd feel suicidal , but this point I don't and that's a good thing.

I am preparing for my 2nd year anniversary of being diagnosed with ovarian cancer. Last year I was so joyous at making it a year. This year I live in fear, daily, that it will return. I'm perplexed as to why my anxiety and depression are this severe kind of late in the game - but have started to realize that I made it through treatment - but I didn't live through treatment. Does that even make sense? Probably not, but I am patiently waiting to get my meds adjusting as they need to be and then I can begin working on finding some joy once again.

No comments:

Post a Comment