Do you watch Brothers & Sisters on Sunday nights? I LOVE THAT SHOW!!! Have loved it since the very first episode. But now, the character Kitty is sick with lymphoma and boy is it hitting home.
Last night they showed her pulling her hair out after her first chemo and I remembered.
I remembered sitting there in amazement that I could just run my hands through my hair and handfuls of hair would be there. And it didn't hurt. I think that surprised me most.
To take matters in to my own hands and make myself feel as if I had some sort of control during this battle I decided to shave my head before it got the best of me. It makes you feel so strong - there you go cancer you S.O.B. - take that!!!!
Of course last night I realized that I didn't actually do the dirty deed of shaving my head - my good friend Sheri and I sat out in my garage and shaved it off. She was horrified but didn't let me know until later. Said she cried the whole way home. I felt triumphant. Until last night.
I thought - what a horrible person I must be that I had somebody do that to me. I never once thought of Sheri's feelings - I just wanted to shave the d*mn hair off before it all fell out. Me, me, me. Cancer is all about the patient isn't it?
I'm so sorry.
I emailed Sheri today and apologized. We agree that watching our beloved Kitty is getting really hard - and the worst is yet to come.
I hate cancer.