almost made it

I almost made it 2 whole weeks to work - but could feel myself going down hill last night and woke up feelings as if I had cried in my sleep during the night. I found out my sister and bil were getting divorced on Monday - TOTAL shock/surprise for everyone. And today I found out my sister is having an affair. I am so angry, hurt, shocked, pissed off, and sad that I could scream. I have been so worried about my niece & nephew, Marty and his family, my sister - and then today I discovered that last weekend she told her husband she was coming to spend the weekend with me because of my depression AND that she would be taking the kids because I didn't want them to see me this way. That's how her lie was discovered - she wasn't here, I had called my bil to see how he was holding up and when he asked me how "our" weekend had gone I said, you know this is Kris right? your sil? and then he started to cry. I havc spent the entire day either bawling my eyes out, sleeping, yelling at people, or just feeling as if a car had hit me, reversed over me and then went forward again.

Why do people do such things to one another? Why couldn''t my sister LEAVE before she started an affair? Why did I have to be brought in to it and now feel as if I am totally violated and can't trust a thing she says to me? I am devastated for everyone involved. I can't deal with it -

2 more days until I go to the doctor - it can't be too soon. I need some comfort, I need some zest for life back, I need this depression to lighten up, why can't it just go away?