Why

I made it through yesterday feeling pretty good until I got home and called my parents and started crying. It's stupid really - but I have this thing about people (meaning my family) not only sending a card for birthday's, but also calling the person to tell them happy birthday. It's a celebration of the day of your birth for God sake - why wouldn't you talk to your family then? Well my mother had started the past few years of sending a card but not calling. Every year we get in to it about the no phone call - and that's in regard to me! It hurts my feelings that I'm not important enough to pick up the phone for. So when it happened to Patrick yesterday - it totally pissed me off (meaning it hurt me)- so I got phone from spending the day with my beautiful son and called and let my mom have it. As soon as I spoke my mind I started to cry.

I've had issues with this for year and it started with Patrick's dad. I swear the man does not know the day of his son's birth. I feel as if he does it to ME each year when he doesn't call - but what about Patrick? We came out of the movie yesterday and he has all these messages from the many friends he has and not one from a family member, including his father. If it were me I'd call my dad and say listen here - just like I did to my mom - but he's not like that. First off he's a guy and you probably don't do that - but you can't tell me it doesn't sting.

So our day together was so nice. We left about 10:30 for Sioux Falls and the weather was already warm and dry and the sun was shining. We ate at a placed called Carnval Brazilian Grill and it was amazing. We both loved the food immensely and Patrick is more adventurous then I am so he tried many more meats then I did. He loved every thing. My favorite was the parmesan cheese encrusted chicken - oh it was yummy. The gaucho's walk around with these large hot skewers with meat on them and slice it right at your table - and then you get all the side dishes you want up at the buffet. Crazy amounts of food. So once we were stuffed sufficiently off we went to a movie and saw This Is It - the Michael Jackson movie. Patrick wasn't a big fan of his, but I grew up with the Jackson Five and Michael's music himself and I sat and just bobbed my head the whole time. We both enjoyed the movie a lot - really interesting to see what it takes to put a show of that magnitude together. And after seeing it, it made me realize how manipulated I was by the media for making me think that he was this weak, frail human being - nobody can rehearse like that and have that type of vision when they are like that. Made me want to go out and dance the night away.Next we stopped at the casino so Patrick could jump in the money booth - and he got $26 bucks. Not a lot, but more then he walked in with. And then home it was.

I just have to say that the reason I get so worked up about my son, even though he's 23, is that if not for him I don't know where I'd be today. When I was in the horrible marriage with his dad - I left for Patrick. Not myself. And everything I did from there on out was for this precious child of mine. He never gave me any trouble, always told me he loved me, was smart, is tall and handsome, plays guitar like a maestro and he just loves life and life loves him back. You never stop being the mom I know - but wow, it's hard. I hope that I am on this earth long enough to see him marry, if he chooses, and to see his children be born. Full circle - what a miracle that would be.

Til next time.
Kris

Change

Have you noticed that everyone is changing their blog look these days? Everyone I go to has something new - so I decided to join the band and change mine too. I'm a Gemini so I get bored easily - but I love the new look and bead board is right up my alley so it fits me perfectly. I promise I'll quit playing with it. Am sure it gets infuriating.

So here it is Halloween and I'm not feeling well. By the time I got home last night my poor body hurt so bad I could have cried. The winter and fibromyalgia do not mix and all of these weather fronts going through are killing me. If I don't have charlie horses then I have aches that just don't stop. I finally took enough Tylenol to calm things down last night, then slept well so I woke up feeling better, but by 2 my head was hurting, I was ready to take another nap and I realized I just feel crappy. So much stuff going around these days - as long as it's not H1N1 I'll be fine.

Tomorrow is my baby boy's 23rd birthday. Where did the time go? It's like de ja vu every single year because I recall everything that happened - the time, what happened, what was done, who was there - it's a little weird but I bet every mom goes through that. Now he's a man but he's still my boy. Hard to let go even when you know you must. We are going to try a place called Carnaval tomorrow in Sioux Falls - it's a Brazilian Bar and Grille restaurant that he's been wanting to try. Should be interesting to say the least. I may stick to the salad bar which is apparently an amazing 2 stories high and 16 feet long? Can that be true?

I'm waiting for the baseball game to start but it's raining cats and dogs out in Philly right now. It may be a rained out game after all.

Don't forget to turn your clocks back.

And Happy Halloween!

Til next time...
Kris

Monday

Today was a good day in every way except that I found out a great friend of mine from high school dad died over the weekend. Just hate thinking that this is the age where our parents start leaving us. Seems unreal.

But everything else was grand - it was 50 something, the sun stayed out THE WHOLE FLIPPIN' DAY for a change and I had a really good report at the oncologist's. Don't go back until March 3rd unless there are issues that arise before then. My CA 125 is 7.4 which is better then last time, my weight stayed steady, my BP was nice and low and she couldn't feel any tumors which is great. Felt really good today when I was leaving there. This compared to 4 months ago when I literally was so depressed that I cried the whole time I was there and most of the way home. The wonder of drugs!! I hate taking them truth be told - but if it can help me then I can't say no. At least not right now.

Not much else going on today - just feeling happy. And that's a good thing!

Til next time...
Kris

HomeGoods - Wall Décor - Wall Hangings

HomeGoods - Wall Décor - Wall Hangings

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I'm just trying something new out. Everyone talks about Homegoods on their decorating blogs so I decided to try and see what they have. And voila! This gorgeous mirror above is just calling my name. Now if I could figure out how to make the damn website work I'd be a happy camper. Hope this comes out.

kris

Sunday

I think the sun is peaking out which is a GREAT surprise because they are talking snow/rain mix today. Love it!

My leg is finally starting to feel better - had a bad chiropractic experience and trouble walking correctly since then. Finally have it to where the Ben-Gay is working and I'm walking much better - which makes such a difference. I take for granted my legs working properly - but after the past couple of weeks, including 24 hours of major leg cramps, I'll not do that any longer.

Major drama going on with my sister and it just boggles my mind. I realize she is 43 and the driver of her own life - but the girl is messed up. She told us at the end of July that she was leaving her husband. We all love him - but she has to live with him so we are going to be supportive. 2 days later she has moved out with the kids and taken them away from the only father they have known in 10 years. Next we find out she's been having an affair and has used my depression to "get away" to be with the guy and telling her husband that she is with me "helping me". Whatever!!!! Now she's been evicted from the new apartment, moving in with a friend who has a 13 year old daughter and will live there until when. So imagine my surprise when my brother in law called yesterday to ask if I knew that my sister is moving to Iowa at the end of the kids semester to be with the new boyfriend. BAD, BAD IDEA. Her kids are 13 and 16 - do you think they want to move from the only place they've known as home to live with some guy they don't know? I am having a really hard time with it - you worry so much about the kids and I know my sister is just in survival mode right now and doing things that don't make sense to anybody but her. It's crazy stuff -

I am off to my oncology appointment tomorrow afternoon - have been going every 4 months the past two appointments. My blood work is good - so I am hoping they say 6 months for the next time. I don't even feel nervous - don't have any questions that I can think of and am looking forward to hearing - doing well, see you in a few months. After that I plan to start really work on taking care of myself in a way I've not done for a couple of years now. I am ready to do it and with my leg finally feeling better it'll be a lot easier to plan my strategy instead of worrying about what machines I could or couldn't use, etc. Will blog about that later as I get geared up.

Meeting my son today for a movie and then will clean up around the house some more. Am trying to get ready for Halloween - so many things to think about and what kids can eat. I don't get a lot of trick or treaters because I live in the University side of town and the college kids aren't much for giving out candy - but all of my friends bring their kids over and I try to get what they like to eat and some of them have allergies. I've got a few days. lol

Til next time....
Kris

Days.........

are all smudging together lately. It has been so dreary outside, except for Sunday, that I can hardly stand it any more. Seasonal Affective Disorder anyone? ha!

I just read Farmgirl Paints blog about her days at Brave Girl Camp and all I can say is I cannot wait - I am overwhelmed just by reading her experience that I can hardly imagine that I will be able to experience it myself next spring. I am so excited!!!

I've been suffering from those horrible leg cramps again and it is exhausting. I was up so much last night that I didn't go in to work today. And the cramps were still going on throughout the day. That doesn't normally happen. I am going to stretch really well before bed tonight and see if that helps me at all - I can't take much more.

I went through a rough night the other night with my sister. She is in the process of getting divorced and has done some pretty amazingly stupid and selfish things the past couple of months. So out of the blue she calls and asks to borrow some money - this from me, the person who has no money! $2,000 yet. How do people find the gall to ask for money from somebody they have used and hurt so much? I don't know - I'd say she has a real set of balls. Sorry. It's just how I feel. At first I said I could give her some - but the more I thought about it the more I knew it would never be repaid and this money would be coming from my medial account - because there isn't a lot in my personal savings that could be shared. And I ended up calling her back and telling her no. Am I the most horrible person ever? I keep trying to tell myself that it's okay to put myself first and protect myself - but what if the truth is that I'm just a defiant sister who doesn't want to help her sister who has been such a witch to me after we worked so hard to put our relationship back together. Do I OWE her something? I want to call and see what she did and how she worked it out - and yet, part of me doesn't care.

Enough of that - yesterday was my cognitive testing at the neuropsychiatrist's. Quite interesting. I did more repeating, math problems, trying to put diagrams together with blocks (which I could NOT do no matter how I tried), etc - it was just so interesting. I left knowing there weren't any glaring deficiencies (my memory loss, confusion, blurry vision issues are why I was there)but she had to score the tests and norm them against other people my age. I feel as if I have Alzheimers some days and I'm tired of people telling me it's because I'm 45.

Well it's been days since I've been on my computer so I'm going to catch up on the blogs I follow and head to bed early. Pray for sun tomorrow!!! And thanks for listening.

Til next time.
Kris

Days since the last blog!

Where did 5 days go exactly? I couldn't tell you. The week went by fast because we had Monday off for the holiday, I feel like I've been gone every single day but couldn't tell you where I've been and now my weekend is almost half over and I don't know how it got to be so late already. Wow. I'm losing it. lol

Today the sun finally came peeking through the clouds at about 3:00 - the first time in over a good week or so. It has been cold, raining, snowing and just plain bleak out for so long. Oh what a little sun can do for your soul.

This week has been about catching up with my friends. Wednesday night Susan, Sandy and I went to Applebee's where we then sat for the next 4 hours talking the night away while our waitress went by and stalked our table. We do this every few months at different restaurant's and ALWAYS give the waitress a double tip (each of us) because we know we are hogging a booth. It was nice to sit and chat and get caught up on each others lives. I told them about Brave Girl Camp - I don't think they get it but I am still as excited now as I was the first time I saw it on FarmGirlPaints blog. This morning, Saturday, we had breakfast club - our group of 12 of us that gets together once a month so that we can keep up on our friendships. 8 of us showed which is a good group - we sit at breakfast until lunch usually starts - and every time it doesn't possibly seem like it's enough time to be together.

This afternoon I met Sheri for a late lunch/early dinner to celebrate her birthday that was 3 weeks ago. See what I mean? There's just never enough time for everyone or everything that needs to be done.

It is supposed to be 60 tomorrow and sunny. I've been invited out to my friend Patty's house for Sunday lunch - I'll bring Henry along so that he and Gracie Jean can chase one another around Patty's small acreage. Henry loves going out there!!!

Is this the most boring blog you've ever read today? I'm boring myself. ha

I'll write more tomorrow when I'm feeling more with it.

Kris